Reaction to Overwhelmmingness

I know people react in different ways to stress and I am learning a lot about my own. Some not so surprising, like the humongo ginormo pimple/mountains that have made a home on my face. And some very surprising ones, like working out. I know it's healthy to be working out and it's all-in-all, a really "good" reaction to stress, but I think I'm almost bordering on the "this is the only thing in my life that I have control over so I'm going to work out and get my dose of I CAN DO IT! through this self-torture" mentality, which I know, from health class 101, can lead to things like anorexia and body dismorphia issues or whatever. I'm trying to keep myself in check so do not worry my friends...I'm merely making observations here. =)

I've also been having really really morbid thoughts!! Like friends dying, or another terrorist attack in NY, myself getting into a car accident, myself getting cancer...etc, etc. SCARY! I have the worst dreams and I don't know what to do with myself. That being said, you would think that this reaction would keep me from sleeping....NOT AT ALL!! Another way my body is failing me is that it wants to sleep ALL THE TIME. SO not convenient when I'm seriously running out of time and in actuality need even more time than allotted to me at this point. (Although to be fair, I don't know how much of it stems from stress and how much of it is due to the excessive aforementioned working out)

Basically, I'm a mess. I can't wait until next week...and hopefully I'll kind of, sort of, return to the old Hanna....but I'm not even entirely too sure what that means at the moment. I wish I was in a comfort-able state. It's not like I don't have supportive people in St. Louis....on the contrary, all the people who know EXACTLY what I'm going through are in St. Louis with me, but I am un-comfort-able...no matter what anyone says, I'm not any more comforted or put at ease. :(

I realize this blog entry is more than a little hysterical so I apologize for worrying anyone. I'm fine really. It helps me to write through my emotions...it keeps me in check. WELL! My go-to-sleep mechanism for coping is kicking in, so I'm going to bed...hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Eden of studying

With Boards looming every so largely in the near future, I find myself studying a lot more than....well....ever. The thing I realized recently is, studying is really really lonely. Even if you study in a group, everyone's concentrating on their own task of stuffing knowledge into one's brain, and it's truly a solo task. The whole experience, if done in excess, is really depressing! I think that's why I always try to study in a place with lots of people...if I studied in my room by myself all the time, I would've spiraled to a deep dark place, long long ago. The key is to find a place where a fair number of people gather, but is not too loud...just enough noise to blend into the background and tune out.

My go-to study spots have been Kayaks, Borders, and Barnes & Noble....but today, I found the ultimate study spot. It's pretty freaken phenomenal, if I do say so myself.....

PLAZA FRONTENAC

All four of these pictures were taken from my seat...I didn't even have to get up from my chair!


Please note the marble table and the comfy leather couchettes, the nicely laid out study spread and the shopping bag in the seat across from me. =)

Plenty of natural light...literally right above where I was sitting...

and so many pretty stores around me to keep me excited. It's like a study hall with built in study breaks!!! This was to my right....

and this was the view to my left. How could a girl be lonely when surrounded by such goodness???!! It's really pretty impossible. And as if this wasn't fabulous enough, there was a guy playing the piano for a couple of hours too! (I'm thinking this was a Sunday special) Perfect study spot WITH live music...can't beat that.

I don't know if I did a smart or stupid thing, letting everyone know about my new study spot...but this girl is totally ready to go back and study (and shop) tomorrow!!! hehe

____________________________________________

I'll be in DC from Tuesday to Thursday for a conference.
Spring break in less than a month! Puerto Vallarta baby!

villa photo shoot

The EyeWire (our school's newsletter) is running a story about our "Eye Live and Learn" community here on campus at the villa. We had a photoshoot totally ANTM style yesterday....here's the catch, in 20F degree weather w/ wind!! I would just like to give grades to everyone on their ANTM smyes-ness and wind usage.



The boys don't count cuz they have no hair. Caryn (magenta), very smartly avoided the wind by having her hair in a ponytail. I fail for having bangs flying every which way...totally look like I have a small animal sitting on top of my head. Dinita (white scarf) tried avoid the wind by pinning hair up, but alas...sorry girl...that's what you get for having such full awesome hair. The winners are down to Natalie (blue) and Sarah (pink). Natalie has flat gorgeous hair, but she didn't take full advantage of the wind like Sarah, whose billowing hair is perfectly framing her face.

How was my picture analysis? Would Tyra and Miss J be proud? hahhah There are more awesome pictures taken during this photoshoot, so make sure to check out the next issue of EyeWire to check them out! =P

On another note: today was the first day I'm trying my "eating breakfast at breakfast-time" regimen, and I have to say, it's pretty nasty. I just don't like eating ANYTHING so early in the morning. =( Hopefully it'll start to get better because I don't really like starting my day gagging food down my throat.

studying and working out

That's pretty much all I've been doing these days so I'll just update really quickly on these two things.

KMK is really daunting as one book, so I split it up! It's all rebound and in a slightly more manageable size. For those back home, KMK is my review course notes for my first part of Boards...which is coming up ridiculously soon. March 16 and 17th. EEK!!

Every time I think of boards, I get a headache so I'm going to stop writing about it.

I started working out a few weeks ago....3 weeks to be exact. And I'm doing it in style. LOL I got a personal trainer who whoops my butt and doesn't take any of my complaints. Everyone please meet Andy. (I'll probably complain about him often) He's the one given the responsibility of keeping Hanna in shape...hahha..poor guy. I've pretty much just come to the conclusion that the money you pay for a trainer is partly the exercise, but it's mostly the psychological affect of having someone push you and holding you accountable. I'm happy to pay since I have zero self discipline and hate working out...and working hard. hahahha...it's the price I pay for my faults.

That being said, I had a workout with him today and was told I now have to start eating breakfast. BREAKFAST in the MORNING! That's so awful....I can't imagine putting food in my mouth unless I've been awake for at LEAST 2 hours. I'm just not hungry in the morning. =( So on the way home today, I stopped by the grocery store and got some yogurt...we'll see how this goes. Ewwww!

Oh and I gave up TV for Lent. It's going well! Much much better than I thought. =P I just know I'm going to have a lot of catching up to do after Easter.

i got yelled at...

I got yelled at about not updating my blog, so i'm updating. This is my first entry since I came back to school for the new semester. So sad how shallow my resolve is in keeping up with these ramblings. Anywhoo, I do have some things to report.

1. I have not been studying for boards as I should have, but instead of that fact acting as motivation, I'm feeling overwhelmed and drinking/sleeping/eating more than I should aka not studying aka failing. When I'm presented with a daunting task, I tend to run and hide...not exactly something I'm proud of, but something I'm more aware of about myself now.

2. I bought my plane ticket to Hawaii :) It makes everything feel more real. I can't believe I'll be on my own to see my own patients, by myself, in 3 months. That's not a very long time at all! ahhhhhh~

3. I am going to try to get back to the arts more. St. Louis is rich with shows and symphony concerts and I feel like I haven't been taking full advantage. I met the concertmaster and a cellist of the St Louis Symphony and realized how much I miss it. Using my studies as an excuse, I basically stopped listening and playing. I especially miss playing in a quartet...gotta get on that.

Just a few upcoming events: Heart of America Contact Lens Congress in two weeks in Kansas City; AOA-PAC conference first week of March in Washington DC; Boards March 16-17; Puerto Vallarta with the girls last week of March. =)

wickedly wonderful!

It's coming to an end...my last real winter vacation. (Next year, I'll be "working" aka paying the school tuition to work for free in a VA, and will most likely have a normal working-person holiday schedule.)

I'm really glad I got to watch Wicked with my baby sister Anna before I left for school again. I knew it was going to be good...you could tell by the raves and the prices of the tickets, that it still hasn't lost its charm. I was unprepared, however, for the way the story touched my heart. Special effects-wise, it wasn't all that elaborate. The set design was sophisticated, but nothing breathtaking. Even so, the story.... The story makes this show. So much of human nature, and the emotions of every day reality. It showcases the lovely things about life; love, friendship, longing, loyalty, talent, beauty....but it also doesn't shy away from demonstrating the lows of human emotion; jealousy, betrayal, greed, disappointment, and sorrow. And even while displaying the good and the bad of human nature, it still succeeds in being a beautifully happy story. I applaud this accomplishment...on two feet. =)

Even though it's set in the fairy tale world of Oz, it is the most un-fairytale like story. I'm really glad I got to share this experience with Anna. Now that she's getting older, I hope she appreciates all the characters and their wonderfully wicked human-ness.

money, money, money

I know it's not really the classiest of subjects to talk about...especially so early in the year, but yesterday's extreme cold really made me realize the comfort of money. When it comes to the question "How much money is enough?" you get a myriad of different answers ranging from...."I just don't want to worry about paying my bills"...to "You can never have enough."

It was a bitterly cold day to be out and about in New York City yesterday. Temperature hovering around 20, but feeling like 0 degrees because of the consistent wind that was gusting up to 40mph. It's the kind of cold that cuts through all the layers of clothing and literally chills you to the bone in a matter of seconds. On this glorious Sunday, I had multiple "appointments" for brunch, dinner, etc. scattered around Manhattan, but all of them easily within a leisurely walk.

I am kind of embarrased to say, I did not walk a full city block all day. The extent of my street time consisted of the walk from the door of my previous location to the nearest corner to hail a cab, which thankfully never took very long. It must have been a very lucrative day for NYC cab drivers, because I imagine I wasn't the only one who reverted to the extremely convenient (and warm!), yet expensive taxi-habit. I promise I normally don't take a cab for 5 blocks, but if you were out there, you'd have done it too!!

Being a non-working, loan-wracking, poor grad student, I try not to get too used to the door-to-door service of taxis, but it's hard! How can you NOT appreciate the quickness (my travel times probably reduced by more than half compared to the subway), not having to think about parking, and the convenience of not having to walk to or from the nearest subway station?? Never mind that I spent 6 or 7 times what I would've spent! It was TOTALLY worth it to not be in the cold!! If someone were to ask me now, "How much money is enough?" my answer would be, without a doubt, "I want to have enough to be able ride taxis everywhere, anywhere, everyday!!!!"

:)

Kind of a non-sequiter, but I really hope all the homeless people found shelter last night...I noticed I hardly encountered any all day...