Reaction to Overwhelmmingness

I know people react in different ways to stress and I am learning a lot about my own. Some not so surprising, like the humongo ginormo pimple/mountains that have made a home on my face. And some very surprising ones, like working out. I know it's healthy to be working out and it's all-in-all, a really "good" reaction to stress, but I think I'm almost bordering on the "this is the only thing in my life that I have control over so I'm going to work out and get my dose of I CAN DO IT! through this self-torture" mentality, which I know, from health class 101, can lead to things like anorexia and body dismorphia issues or whatever. I'm trying to keep myself in check so do not worry my friends...I'm merely making observations here. =)

I've also been having really really morbid thoughts!! Like friends dying, or another terrorist attack in NY, myself getting into a car accident, myself getting cancer...etc, etc. SCARY! I have the worst dreams and I don't know what to do with myself. That being said, you would think that this reaction would keep me from sleeping....NOT AT ALL!! Another way my body is failing me is that it wants to sleep ALL THE TIME. SO not convenient when I'm seriously running out of time and in actuality need even more time than allotted to me at this point. (Although to be fair, I don't know how much of it stems from stress and how much of it is due to the excessive aforementioned working out)

Basically, I'm a mess. I can't wait until next week...and hopefully I'll kind of, sort of, return to the old Hanna....but I'm not even entirely too sure what that means at the moment. I wish I was in a comfort-able state. It's not like I don't have supportive people in St. Louis....on the contrary, all the people who know EXACTLY what I'm going through are in St. Louis with me, but I am un-comfort-able...no matter what anyone says, I'm not any more comforted or put at ease. :(

I realize this blog entry is more than a little hysterical so I apologize for worrying anyone. I'm fine really. It helps me to write through my emotions...it keeps me in check. WELL! My go-to-sleep mechanism for coping is kicking in, so I'm going to bed...hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.